Monday, October 06, 2008

spinning

I wanted to blog tonight, for once, in a month, or almost 2, but I'm just too tired. I just don't have time to do justice to the wealth of emotions, thoughts, blah, that is running through my head right now - just 7 short days before Will deploys for 7 long months. I feel like I am on a new planet from anything I've experienced emotionally in a loooong time. Ok, maybe just 4 years, since his last deployment, but now I have 2 kids and another on the way. Oh yeah, I forgot to blog about that, surprise blog world- I'm 11 weeks pregnant!! :) due April 22, just a few weeks before Will returns. These parts of my life fill thoughts and words and posts beyond what I'm capable of enscribing here tonight, but I know that I will, and need to for my sanity, soon.

For those of you wondering what I need or what you can do (hopefully there are some of you) :)
- please pray for us whenever we come to mind
- please randomly call me to say hi for no reason at all, other than human contact. I hate being alone and I rarely get phone calls, probably b/c most of my friends are busy Moms whom I already run in to at church or on Facebook, but for those of you who have the time, or can make a moment to spare (even if I just saw you at church), I know I'd appreciate it. (ps. you don't have to ask how I'm doing, just talk about anything) :)
- please forgive my mood swings ... any sarcasm, defensiveness, ungratefulness, self-deprication, denial, avoidence, fakeness (the one I hate the most), are all likely to represent during the next 7 trying months of my life, so I ask for your grace ahead of time while I vent to blogland.
- if I manage to blog during this crazy, busy time, I would appreciate any comments, encouraging or critical (can you tell I crave human interaction?) :)
- come visit me! :) or get together, especially on the weekends (which will turn into just another work day for me)

Meanwhile, I will be praying constantly that Divine interaction would fill me until I thirst no more. While I'm extremely emotional about this, I'm also extremely hopeful and full of faith that God can make this time sweeter than I could have dreamed. I know He doesn't promise that I won't struggle or reach my hypothetical limit, but I believe that when I do, He will be there to help me in ways that only He can. I pray also that I SEE these ways and don't miss them and become bitter at God for letting me hurt so much. I hope that I can have perspective about how blessed I am, all the while allowing myself to deal with things that are still difficult for me now.

I have already seen His hand moving and preparing a way for me. I know there is more He hasn't even revealed yet and I am anxiously looking forward to sharing that here and experiencing it with my boys and my friends.

Lord, please see us through.

5 comments:

Deborah said...

thanks for sharing your wants, fears and anxiety about the upcoming deployment. You are human and I know it will not be all that great - but I can't wait, just like you, to see how God fills you completely and holds your hand through it all. we'll be praying!

Emily said...

I pray for you today as for myself that God will give you His manna. That for this day you will receive exactly the portion you need and the ability focus on Him and let Him worry about what comes tomorrow. Before you know it, Will will be home again and you'll be so focused on this new life coming that it will pass faster than you dream.

Leigh said...

thank you so much. you all are so encouraging. :) just knowing you're out there praying makes me feel like I can do it. There's power in the blood! :)

Girl Fisher said...

Hi Leigh! I'll be praying for you during the deployment and pregnancy!

Dana said...

i guess i missed this post... congratulations!!! asking for help is one of the best things you can do... so many women just suffer in silence and wonder why no one helps them out!