Life without Warning: Monet vs. Courbet

Today, as I drove home from a crazy IKEA visit with all 3 kids in the sub ... I looked ahead on Hwy. 50 and could see nothing but grey just before we drove through one of the worst rain storms in my life ... little visibility, cars pulling over and slowing down everywhere, water covering the road & my windshield, not to mention the music we had playing in the car along with the 3 additional voices of commentary in accompaniment ... sensory overload to say the least. But soon, as would happen in most cases, the CD was turned off, the kids were told to be quiet and tunnel vision was acquired in order to navigate.

After about a good 5 or so minutes of pummeling rain, we came through it onto drier road, little rain and brighter skies. The CD was turned back on and my mono-focus subsided into multi-task mode once again. (At this point I'm thinking there are probably many lessons that could be gleaned from this & I'm wondering where you all would go with it; however, ...)

... as we rounded a large turn, as some of you know how the Maryland landscape leads 'round large hills, I briefly faced the line of cars in the opposite lane ... for a moment I thought about where they were going ... towards the grey wall, towards sheets of thick rain ... I thought about whether I might tell them to stop or pull over (if I had that ability), or warn them, at the very least, about what was ahead. Then, the life analogy that materialized for me regarded ... my kids.

What would I tell them about life? I could warn them about all it's woes and dangers, or I could simply try to give them the tools to deal with whatever it is they will encounter. I know most parents try to include a good blend of both and I'm sure I will too. However, I found myself recalculating that even though the other cars were indubitably headed for that storm, it may have quite a different form by the time they get to it. For one, it may have subsided a great deal, or on the other hand, it could be worse, maybe with hail. The fact is that there is nothing I could say that would fully prepare them for what was ahead, because frankly, I couldn't know for sure, as weather is always changing. (wow, 4 absolutes in one sentence is thick, oh well). If I could give them ANY advice, would it be in the shape of a warning about something I couldn't completely describe, even though I had JUST driven through it, or would it possess a more encouraging, inspiring tone? I believe I would have to say something quick & simple like, "Just pay attention, rely on your training, do the best you can and you'll do great."

... which brings me back to my kids ... do I spend more time warning and judiciously guarding them, or training them and then sending them out with an encouraging word? There, of course, isn't a right answer and again, a little of both is appropriate at times, but I have real concerns for children (including my own), who grow up hearing more stories about all the terrible things that can happen to them and not allowed to go out and experience life at an early enough age to discover that no one is a stereotype and life is mostly what you make it. Please don't read any particular group into this, because I have none in mind ... I, for one, have had to be the parent basically putting the fear of reality into my now 7 year old back when he was 3, who apparently has none, just to keep him from running too far away from me. However, as he's grown, I've tried to taper off in my warnings and recommendations of life to him.

I prefer to cultivate in him the kind of heart and mind I believe he should have ... and let him take it from there. Throughout his growth, I'm sure he'll come to me with questions and guidance, but I hope that the picture I paint is more of an impressionist work like a Monet or even a Klimt, than a realist like Courbet (nothing against Courbet). If my description is too exact or precise, I wonder if he'll have the freedom to do his best at life in his own rite, rather than living through mine. Granted, every artist's product is only their version, but I hope my version is porous without being vague; an idea instead of a direction lest I give every detail and stamp out a version that wouldn't even have a hope of being true to whatever he'll experience once he gets there himself.

And now for the religious implications: as Christ taught us while He was with us on Earth, even He used warnings and direction to guide and grow us, but for the most part, His wisdom was aimed at our hearts and He even left us with encouragement as He said at the end of Matt. 28, "All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. ¹⁹ Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, ²⁰ teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Now, I cannot tell my children that I am in total control since I have ALL authority in heaven and earth, BUT, I can tell them that Christ does, and if they trust Him, instead of Mommy or even themselves, He WILL help them (sometimes even in spite of them or me ... ahhh grace). :) I also cannot tell my children that I will always be with them, but ... (you see where I'm going). YES, there are plenty of warnings throughout scripture, but in the end, He sends His children OUT, just as I must do. He tells them they WILL have trouble, but that they can overcome since HE has already overcome the world. Never did He sit down and give them a play by play about how to handle each situation they would face or how to look at a certain group of people, or how to approach every angle of life ... He told us to love, to forgive, to discern & be vigilant and wise yes, but to trust.

I am often guilty of wanting to give my kids too much advice in the form of handing them a map and an exactly replica of what life will look like. What I WANT to do is teach them through MY own actions and not my words, about how to love people and leave the rest up to God.

wow, it's been a month already!

(dedicated to Christianne for faithfully checking my blog, Thanks!) :)

I'm not promising anything incredible, just a simple update ... maybe something incredible later ... maybe :)

It's been a looong month. Will was gone for 3 weeks and then got back sometime during the first week of August. His parents came to visit for 5 days; that was fun. Time is flying, we've been so busy doing I have no idea what ... a little house hunting (to no avail), a lot of down time, a lot of family time, a lot of Olympic watching time, a lot of spending time with friends, trying to fix up the house, figure out what we want fixed, figure out who is going to fix what and when and for how much.

I've been tired missing lots of sleep from staying up too late watching the Olympics and some nights going to bed really early, only to be awaken several times in the night by my cute, but needy two year old wanting anything from water, to his "Gi-Gi" bear, to being covered up again, the list could go on. :) I don't know why he started this, but I hope it ends soon. I can usually go right back to sleep after the first time, but 1/2 hour to an hour later and the second time ... sometimes keeps me up for an hour or two even though I'm dead tired. I think I just get really woken up that second time and it gets my brain going and thinking and actually writing blogs that I will never post b/c I can't remember them. I wish I had a brain recorder that could just know what I'm thinking so I could type it up later. :) I could talk into, but I would wake Will up, maybe not, he's such a sound sleeper, I'm jealous.

Anyway, Yay for my husband for finally finishing our laminate floor. No more nasty, old carpet :) Of course now it's hard and I can SEE everything on it, but at least it's more sanitary (I think). I'm proud of him for doing it himself though! :) It took him awhile b/c he kept having to leave on the ship and had been working looong hours.

I'm really looking forward to the kids starting pre-school and a little sports class at the Y in the fall. We'll do gymnastics after that. I'm already thinking about sports that will be good for Charley's energetic, yet focused nature. After seeing how Phelps had ADD and swimming helped him, it got me thinking. Well, Charley doesn't have ADD, but certainly the energy. He even said he wanted to be like Michael Phelps and practiced doing the backstroke on our bed, so cute! :) He also ate 3 eggs!! the other morning. I couldn't believe it. We'll see what he enjoys. It will be an interesting road, but fun I think. Oh yeah, Charley is officially a Lego maniac. :) Yay! :) Will and I both love Legos! :) We're starting the "keep your legos picked up" lessons early so hopefully I won't be stepping on them for the next 10 years.

Ben continues in his most adorable stage yet. "Mommy, I good boy." "Mommy, I obey." "I sweet boy." "I share Chachy!" He's so talkative and oh so cute. I almost wish he wouldn't grow anymore. From his cute little fingers and nose, to his size and movements and cute sayings...it keeps my heart overflowing daily.

I'm mostly enjoying Will being home for a longer stretch. He's even going to take some mandatory pre-deployment leave soon. We're going camping next weekend in the Shenendoah's and I think it will be gorgeous! I can't wait to let the boys run around and explore!

Oh yeah, my Mom got really sick with kidney stones recently ... it got so bad that her kidney was shutting down and she got sepsis (blood poisoning) and spent 5 days in ICU. But now she's out and doing so much better. She is attending our family reunion back in TX this weekend and I'm so sad we had to miss it. Anyway, thanks to all who prayed for her recovery.

Well, that's all for now. God's blessings abound even when I feel like I'm at the base of a huge mountain that I know I could never climb on my own ... His provisions for me during deployment are being revealed to me slowly, but surely and I am trying with all my, no, His might to continue to trust Him and lean on Him and even hope for a few miracles along the way (more on that later though). I'm trusting that deployment will not only be a fun, but a fruitful time for us all here at home. I'm not sure I even believe that it can happen now, but I believe that if I allow God to be in control, He can/will do it. Wow, I'm really trying to have that much faith. It's odd, I feel like I believe that God could move an actual, physical mountain, more than
I believe he can make deployment a happy time for me. ugh, well, He's not finished with me yet, there's hope, I'm still growing, and want to, and want to trust Him more. Thank you for all the prayers that are and will help me do that. I need it. We all need it at different time. Thanks for reading (and commenting). :) I hope to hug you soon and if I can't, I'm missing you. God bless.

Iraqi artists' find venue and voice

Iraqi Artists

This is a cool CBS news segment about a former classmate of Will's, Chris Brownfield, from the Academy. He's doing some great things and Will got to visit him briefly in NY when his ship was up there for Fleet Week. Enjoy!

real life and the "D" word

For awhile now, I've been looking into the future and wondering, waiting, willing it not to come ... the day when Will is finally attached to a ship again and begins the 18-36 months of random underway's for various lengths of time and a deployment thrown in there for 7 months at some point (hopefully only one).

I've wondered how life would change now that we have two boys in the mix, now that life is busier and more complicated, somehow. I've waited to find out how much time and effort Will is going to have to commit to being a department head, a much more demanding position than he's ever had, and how that will affect our family and what I will need to do to manage, support, and thrive through all of this.

For the last 2 1/2 years, I feel like we've been living in what I consider to be a "not-normal" life in the Navy: the wonderful Shore Tour, especially the "attending school shore tour". Life has been easy with Will around so much. We've had every evening, every weekend, every vacation and even many afternoons and days off depending on his schedule. It's been a great time. He hasn't missed our boys' young lives at all, up until now.

Today Will left on what I consider to be a medium length underway. (I'm not sure if I'm allowed to say how long for security reasons, although when I find out if it's ok, I'll edit this post). :) He'll continue to have various times "out to sea" for training, and other things until they eventually deploy later this year.

Today, I feel like "real life" begins again for me. Real life being a physical single Mom for the better part of a year. I will still have the emotional support from e-mails and random phone calls, but I will not have much face time or physical help with the boys. Even when his ship is in port, they work ridiculously long hours and have duty days on top of that. Talk about major commitment to your job. :)

As during the last deployment, I look forward to what God has planned for us all through this. I feel like I have to search for some positive during this time in order to stay sane and to support the boys mentally, spiritually and emotionally while Will is so busy and gone. My biggest regret is how much THEY will miss him. They have grown to close to their father, their daddy, in the last couple of years and I know that they will feel that distance.

Herein lies another challenge of military life: making it work for the kids. We've already gotten season passes to the zoo, the botanical gardens, we plan on getting one for the YMCA and they are signed up for pre-school. I know all of these things won't replace Dad time, but I hope they will help the boys engage their minds and bodies in positive ways that will build them up instead of just sitting around missing Dad, and occasionally (hopefully not too often) being around mopey Mom who is drained and really misses Dad.

One benefit of going through deployment with kids is that I've heard it goes more quickly. It seems like it would be harder though since the kids are my entire responsibility, but then, I've haven't done it yet. I also feel fortunate because Will hasn't been on an IA (for a year) yet. His deployment will not be near that long, so in that, I feel blessed.

I will depend on my family (who will hopefully fly in for many visits), my local friends, and fellow military wives with wise (encouraging) words, and my Savior (who daily saves me from myself) to support me through this. Certainly, people in this area know how to do deployment (the other "D" word). :)

I am determined (my "D" word) to see our family through this next sea tour soundly. I feel like so much is resting and relying on my ability to be strong, stable, supportive, positive ... if I can only remember that to be all of these things doesn't depend on MY ability, it depends on God's.

He will never ever set a task before me that He won't equip me to handle. I will always semper paratus (be prepared) with Him, but not before the appropriate time. Whether it's mental or spiritual support from Scripture, or physical and emotional support from friends or family, I WILL be prepared. I can't do this alone. I will not just survive it, I WILL thrive, I must. I feel like simply surviving will be failing. Perhaps I judge myself and the situation too soon. The last deployment was a train wreck for me. I was miserable, it was horrible. I don't want to repeat that. Now I have children depending on me. We will see.

Now, real life begins ... could be worse I'm sure ... is hard enough as it is. I will take it ... this is where my path takes me ... to the mountains, and through the valleys, but I'm just lookin' for the meadow.

Judah Ben Hur

I'll miss you Charleton Heston. You had a gift Judah ben Hur, Moses, and so many more amazing characters that I'll always love. (hee hee, I think part of the reason I love the name Judah for Charley's middle name, besides it meaning "praise", is that Heston helped it represent an amazing man in Ben Hur.)

You are missed. You are appreciated. You are loved.

crazy days

ok, just a quick blog to update you all on the craziness going on around here (which is mostly in our minds) :) So, most of you know, we're moving in 2 weeks! ahhh, crazy! We just got finished throwing a massive 2 year Ben Birthday/Going away party. 27 people in the house, crazy! :) It went really really well though and my prayers all week were answered: the rain held off until the last guest drove away, then it started, crazy! (well, not considering who I was praying to). So the kids were able to go outside for a bit.

I got creative (or anal, depending on your perspective) and made signs for the different rooms and places in our house where things would be happening so people would know where to go and what they could do. Signs included, "food" area, "crafts/toys" room, "smaller ones/nursing" room, "coats, shoes, purses" room, "bouncer" area, and last but not least "W.C./potty". :) We had kind friends who let us borrow a huge bouncer that actually fit in our basement and the kids loooved it, plus it really helped with kid/crowd control. I also borrowed a big, plastic, round, kids table that seated about 6 kids and put craft stuff on it for the kids who wanted to 'make things'. It was so cute to see them all sitting there with the little foam stickers, colored pencils, glue sticks and kid scissors. Plus, all the toys were in that room so the mess was contained to one location, yay! :) I still have to clean it up though :) I'm actually looking forward to it though, ugh, I know, it's weird. Then, just when I thought I was being overly detail-oriented (yeah, you know), it turned out that the nursing room (which is the boys small bedroom, complete with changing table), was used a number of times for nursing purposes and for sleeping babies!

I knew with that number of people, there had to be activities, but for the age group (0-5), and amount of space, organized activities were probably not a good idea. So they were able to spread out around the house doing different things, including outside and the flow went really well. The moms were able to relax and eat fruit and veggie and deli trays (yes, I'm in pre-move keep it easy and simple mode), while the dads ran the bouncer and kept watch outside and chatted as well. I thought it worked out well for all. (of course, I hope the people who read this blog and also attended agree) hi! :)

Of course, things got a little chaotic around cake time, but fortunately, come genius thought up a cupcake cake, where cupcakes are put close together and iced as if they were one big cake. This made it sooo easy to hand out cake quickly and easily to the anxious little kids below. It was a Thomas the Tank Engine party, so Ben got a bunch of Thomas stuff including a backpack and sleeping bag we plan on using for the move.

I asked everyone to bring a picture of their family for our memory books for the boys so we could look back and remember all our friends from RI. Of course, half of them are Navy so we won't see them here again, but maybe on the road somewhere else. It was so great to see all of our friends (after a looong winter of practical hibernation inside) and let the boys say hi again to all their babysitters, who were also invited. I made special gift bags for them to say thank you. I also had fun using foam stamps to stamp the kids gift bags. I got the little white bags from Michael's and the boys' bags had a frog on them and the girls' bags had a butterfly.

Well anyway, it was such a blessing that so many people could come out and celebrate with us and I hope they enjoyed it too. It seemed like everyone had a great time, especially with the diversity of the crowed, i.e. church friends, Navy friends, neighborhood friends etc. It's always interesting to me when not everyone knows each other. I love watching people dynamics and wondering who will enjoy talking to whom.

ok well, I'd better go to bed. Will and I worked on a new set of 'to dos' tonight and now that the party is over, I'm officially in move-mode. Tomorrow begins the preparation with the vehicles, cleaning, oil/fluid changes, tire balancing and rotation etc. Then, since next week is Spring Break, I plan on getting some babysitters to help with the kids so I can complete some last minute projects and stuff that's difficult to do with the boys around. We'll see how it goes.

Thanks for keeping us in your prayers. I'm mostly praying that Will and I will be able to keep things low-stress and calm for the boys. They really pick up on big changes etc. and their attitudes show it and although I have a very positive attitude about moves in general, the fact is we have a lot to get done and moving is in general, a stressful thing, sooo, please pray that we handle it well and balance things well so they don't feel left out in the meantime and are still at ease by the time we get there. I know they have no concept of the fact that we won't be coming back here, but I'm hoping they'll be ok with that, especially once we re-introduce them to old friends and fun places and the warmer weather! :)

Good night, God Bless!


ps. will post pics soon (i hope)

new year, new name, new blog, new un-resolution

Surprise! :) I really didn't plan on changing everything, but when I was revising my poetry blog name, this new name for my main blog just hit me. My name, Leigh, actually means "from the meadow" and so I thought it would have more meaning and be fun. Plus, I really like the verse I found to go with it and I think it really fits since we're raising little ones.

Will is planning on helping me edit the picture, but it's from the Smokey Mountain National Part in TN where Will and I went after he got back from deployment in June of 2003. We celebrated our second anniversary there and just a few months later, I was pregnant with Charley. The meadow in the picture is at Cade's Cove. (and I have a cousin named Cade!)

Now if I could only finalize the poetry blog and get brave enough to post something I've actually written, gulp. :) It's still fun to have it there and hopefully it will encourage me to write more.

As for the new un-resolution . . . since I have been married, it has been a struggle for me to plan and make meals. Other things I get easily but this, for me, is hard. It's not something I really enjoy; I'm more of a baker. Cookies, pastries, especially pies, that's my favorite, but other than some of the prep work of cooking, it's not something I get excited about. This could be b/c I'm fighting to cook while I watch the kids and keep the house picked up right before Will gets home and a plethora of other things combined with the fact that I'm not too good at planning ahead in this area. However, Will has communicated that this is something that's important to him, no surprise there, but it's also something that we understood before we got married as being my role. It's something I've fallen short on for years and struggled with (even trying a few different methods to help, but with no success).

However, I think I just needed practice and determination to overcome this one. This year, for the first time, I have had meals planned out every week!!! (wave the flags, blow the horns, this is huge for me!) I've had all of the ingredients (with only a few misses I think) and had everything ready to go every week since the year started. The only reason some of the meals haven't materialized were because of illness, or last minute changes to our schedule, but not b/c of my unpreparedness (Yay, finally!). I even grabbed a small dry erase board to leave in the kitchen with the meals for the week on it. I NEVER thought I'd do this. Will and I have "struggled" with this for awhile and my constant answer was, "I'm not like your mother and you can't expect me to do things like her." While this may be true, I also want to serve my husband, and if having a weekly meal plan (something he's used to) can help relax and help him for some reason, even if I don't understand it, it's a small thing to do.

The funny part for me is that I didn't make any new year's resolution to do this, it just sort of happened until one day I realized I had been doing it and succeeding. I even mentioned it to Will and he hadn't noticed, but thought it was great! (I'm sure it was because he's been so at ease now that he knows the meals every week) LOL :) just kidding hubby, I love you!! :) Anyway, I'm glad it's working and I plan to try and continue to get this right for forever :) or until he decides to start cooking. Although, he did say he wanted to be a stay-at-home dad and let me support him with a singing career. Umm, let's just say I don't think that going to happen anytime soon, even though I do hope to get involved in the Norfolk Opera when/if we move back there. I'll keep ya posted! Anyway, until then, it's happy cooking for me (and baking!).

Happy Birthday in Christ!

A few days ago on January 25, but in the year 1984 at 8 PM, I prayed and asked Jesus to come into my heart. I was 6 and it was one of those special amazing moments that I will always remember. I know that not everyone has an actual date or time that they remember giving their lives to Christ, and I don't really think it's of paramount importance, but I am glad that it was part of God's plan that this is how it happened for me. It's helped me when I've had doubts and it's also been an important part of my witness to others.

In high school when students of other religions accused me of having been basically forced to become a Christian, I was able to tell them my testimony ... which in short is that I had been asking my parents for months if I could ask Jesus into my heart. And before that, when I was too young to understand, I used to ask Him into my heart every night when my Mom was putting me to bed, then I would run excitedly into the living room to tell my Dad, "Daddy, Daddy, I asked Jesus into my heart!" This was usually greeted with something like, "that's great honey, now go to bed," and I was a little confused why everyone wasn't as excited as me. But later, because my parents were concerned that I didn't understand, they asked me to wait to make an "official" profession of faith at church so that they could talk it over with me and make sure I understood what I was doing. They also wanted to make sure I wasn't doing it b/c my best friend was doing it. :) (so only God knows when I really understood!) However, the fact that they asked me to wait has always helped me know that what I did was of my own choice and since they talked it over with me, I feel that I really DID understand what I was doing.

Anyway, ever since then, I've always used this day as a day of remembering when I first asked Christ to come into my life. I know I didn't understand the whole "Lord of my life" thing at the time, but I did understand that I needed to be forgiven and the Bible says, "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart, that you believe and are justified and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved." Romans 10: 9, 10.

Since that time, God has continued to change me ... sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, but always steadily and surely, and even though I don't have as dramatic or powerful a testimony as some people, I am grateful that I knew Him at such a young age. I'm not sure my elementary teachers were, b/c I used to tell Bible stories incessantly in class and I tried to witness to my friends a lot. :) Well, I was an evangelical Southern Baptist, right? No, at that age, all I understood was that I was excited about Jesus, even zealous and wanted EVERYONE to know about Him. It makes me cry to think of that innocent love for Christ, but I still remember it and pray that God would help me to be more like that at times.

It's been 24 years since that night and I know that little excited child is still bursting inside of me, but I think I try to hold her in more now so that I won't be too embarrassed. It's been a life's struggle to know what to say and when since I'm usually not very poignant. I think I'd even scare some of my friends with this, but if I acted on how I felt most of the time, I'd be hugging random strangers all the time, talking incessantly to people about Jesus and probably more acts of random kindness that would make people uncomfortable. Not that those things are bad, but they scare people and get annoying really quickly. I discovered this as a kid over time. :) Well, I guess that's a cue for me to pray that the Holy Spirit would tell me when to speak and how to act in constructive ways that would honor Christ and spread the Gospel in positive ways.

I DO know that even though I temper myself, I AM trying giving my kids part of myself in that I'm teaching them to be warm and friendly to people and to try to help and love them because God loves them. This is a message the boys hear a lot and I hope one day I will be able to see the joy that I feel for Christ in their eyes as well, even if they express it differently from me.

As growth is ever a process, I pray that I would continue to grow into the way that God meant for me to be on this earth until I meet Him in Heaven. Amen.

I can't believe it's been a week since I posted ... things were running through my head all week that I wanted to post, but I never got around to it.

One of this weeks big news items is that I started watching a 6 week old for about 5 hours, 4 days a week (so about 20 hours a week). It's so fun to have a baby around again and is giving me baby fever! I thought it would help me want to put it off, but no. She's adorable and the boys LOVE her! She's quickly adapted to taking a bottle from me and to the new faces and sleeping in a pack'n'play. Charley gives her the most gentle kisses and says, "it's ok sweetheart," when she cries, and Ben says, "hi, hi, hi," over and over to her, it's so cute!! My biggest relief is the boys are being absolutely amazing with her. They're so gentle and caring. They want to hold her and give her toys and even feed her, although that doesn't go so well. When she's in the swing, I have to make sure they don't swing her hard, they can get wound up and carried away at times, but usually they're great, even running to get things for me to give the baby. It made me think how much easier a third will be. I'm also glad that the boys are a little older and can enjoy having her around instead of feeling robbed for time by her.

On OUR baby front, it looks like we're going to have to wait a little while b/c of the ship Will is assigned to. To make a long story short, we both agree that it wouldn't be a good idea for me to have a baby right after he leaves for 6 months. We're going to try to time it for a pregnancy while he's gone. Although, if God decides that's not the plan, I'd be perfectly happy with that (hint hint). :)

Also, Will got orders to a different ship in Norfolk with a job he's more interested in; however, his detailers are still trying to get him the Ops job (Operations officer) he'd prefer, so things may still change. The good thing is that they probably won't take us out of Norfolk b/c it's cheaper for them to move us there than anywhere else and b/c there are more ships there to choose from for jobs, so these new orders still don't feel final. I'm fine with that, but I just wish I at least knew for certain which city we were going to end up in. I think it will be Norfolk, but I hesitate to celebrate yet in case it changes. More evidence that I need to remember the verses in the Bible about not planning too far ahead and remembering that God has everything planned already. :)

I'm feeling better too, that's nice. I think I've finally coughed up the gallons of mucus in my lungs and can almost sing again. I tried choir practice on Wednesday and did fine for a little while, then just started coughing again and getting flushed and had to leave, ugh. At least the boys stayed well.

Will and Charley are taking a road trip today to Danbury, CT to get some parts for the Mazda. Charley talks about fixing the Mazda a lot and since Will found a cherry picker to lift the engine out in order to work on it, we can start buying the parts we need. Will is so excited and giddy when he finds time to work on it and it's turned into a fun hobby for him. Will and I had our first official date in that car and I look forward to the day when Charley and Ben are zipping around in it! :)

Anyway, that's a brief update on us!

the roller coaster goes up, the roller coaster goes down ... weeeee

... and so the roller coaster that is our possible move location, time, date, etc. begins again. We went through this last summer when we thought we were going to D.C. and nothing ever happened. Now we know for sure we're leaving, but don't know where. :)

Roller coasters are exciting and fun, but scary at times. So far, the exciting part is wondering what job Will is going to end up with and trying to imagine my life in whatever random place it is. The scary part is knowing that if we don't end up in Norfolk, I will miss my friends there very much.

Mostly, I try to imagine all the positives of a "new" place we haven't lived before. I love exploring, finding a church, meeting new people, finding fun places, parks, special things about that place. It's a good thing I like this part b/c I pretty much have to if the move is going to be a success, not only for my attitude, but in an effort to teach the boys to enjoy new things since this will probably be the first of many moves in their Navy lives.

One good thing is that Charley has been asking to move into a new house for awhile now. I have no idea why b/c we really hadn't started talking about moving yet. He said something about a tree dying at this house, I'm not sure what he's talking about. BUT, I'll take it and run. We started talking about moving after that and he's ready, although when we actually move, I wonder how he'll feel. He has such an adventurous spirit, I think he'll be fine. Ben is too young to understand things, but with Charley around to play with him, I think he'll do well too.

Another part of our roller coaster is finding out which ship Will will be attached to and WHERE that ship happens to be in its deployment schedule. We had a possible San Diego option pop up yesterday with a great job that Will would love. The ship deploys in June - Dec. so I would need to prepare for that happening right away almost! Wow, that will be a lot to deal with ... moving to a new area and hubby taking off. I have a plan though and I know God will give us the grace we need, and hopefully the support as well. We had plenty of support in Norfolk, it's been harder to come by here in New England, but hopefully in a new place, with new and different needs, we'll find our way. God has always given us what we've needed when we needed it. For instance, Will has been home a lot here in RI and life has been a lot more relaxed than it will be on a ship, so we haven't been "in need" as much here. This might not make sense to non-military people, but I think military families will know what I'm talking about.

One final loopty loop that could be a part of our ride this year is the possibility of baby #3. We want to start trying soon and as always, we're praying for God's timing and blessing.

So please keep us in your prayers throughout this year. If we randomly come to mind, take it as a sign that maybe God wants you to send a prayer or two our way. And as always, we'll always be in touch here in the blogosphere. :)

lotion lover

Another quirk of my second son is that he loves to do so many things that my first rebelled against. I'm sure it's a good thing, it's just that I'm not used to it b/c of having to fight Charley when he was Ben's age. Things like brushing teeth, changing diapers, putting socks and shoes on to go outside, and yes, putting on lotion. He loves lotion and while I'm changing his diaper, he'll rub it on his legs and arms and tummy. It's really cute and GREAT since it's so dry now, but it's also very hilarious to me to see my 19 mo. old putting on lotion like he's such a big boy. Also, if Ben had his way, he'd have a toothbrush in his mouth 24/7. He LOVES to brush his teeth and runs for it every time we accidentally leave the bathroom door open.

We're still waiting for snow around here. Will got so excited when we had some flurries a few days ago. He can't wait to take the boys sledding at the golf course around the corner from our house. He also can't wait to go skiing. He's going to see the new Warren Miller snow movie in Providence tonight and by going, he'll get free ski passes to some places around here. He can't wait! Seriously, this is going to be something we have to work out in our future: Will wants to live somewhere cold and I love warm weather with short winters. I DO love snow and skiing, but I just don't like cold for 6 months! Plus, with the dry skin issues I've mentioned in previous posts ... I just don't want to be itchy, cracky and dry every winter just so we can ski nearby. I'd rather travel somewhere to ski and wear my shorts and t-shirts most of the year. Anyway, I know we'll compromise on the perfect place someday (once the Navy is done with us, or vice versa and one plus is that with all the moving around we have to do, we'll get to visit different parts of the country to see what they're like before we have to choose.

Oh yeah, another success on the potty front, Charley is finally going #2 in the potty! yay! I know it may sound late to most, but with the issues he's had and meds etc. I'm just thrilled and he's proud too. He's been going consistently for 3 days now. I'm not holding my breath, but I think he may have conquered the constipation thing. He doesn't even want his medicine anymore and doesn't seem to be having problems without it now. It started getting easier for him a while back and when he had to go, he'd go and grab a pull-up and go. When we realized he wasn't struggling anymore, we started disciplining him if he didn't go in the potty. I think this helped us get where we are now, but for the longest time, he really was struggling and having a really hard time pushing it out, and we didn't feel that we should punish him for not using the potty b/c of that. Well, it seems to be over now, so we'll see how the next week goes and hopefully it will become a habit and easier for him. Yay!! It's funny, I'm actually excited that I get to wipe his bottom b/c it means he's gone on the potty! Of course, he wants to that by himself and he doesn't do a bad job at that, so double YAY!!

mmmmmmm

I was just playing with my son, Ben. He was playing peek-a-boo and tickling me and then he tried to pull my socks off. :) Whenever I get these one on one moments to just play and enjoy my kids, the same thought often comes to mind, "I must be the luckiest person in the world to be playing with this little child right now."

I guess I just imagine how incredibly special they are; then I think about how someday they'll be special to other people and hopefully do some really good things for people; and that makes me feel like I'm so special for even being given a moment of time with them. Because later on, when they're grown and gone, I'll remember that I was given some of the biggest blessings I can ever have . . . time, fun, love and a simple smile from my baby boy.

Kipling article

article I like about Kipling ... "Have you ever kippled?"

His blog is under Rants and Raves on the right if you're interested.

I had a wonderful, relaxing outing the other day when my regularly scheduled babysitter, Zoe, came over. I ran an errand, then went to Barnes 'n' Noble to have a drink and a snack and write some poetry. Then I just browsed for a good non-fiction book (which I didn't find) and a good poetry book, which I did find! It was a big poetry anthology! Yay! So now, I promise I'll move on to another poet. :)

lovely words on a hot day

I don't know if I've mentioned yet in my blog that Will is taking classes in Dalgren, VA for 2 months while we are up here. It's been pretty miserable with the heat and no A/C; add to that the fact that Charley acts up when Will leaves so all the great changes that have occurred since he turned 3 (calming down a little, more self-control, more understanding, not as reactionary, less of a temper etc.) have gone on hiatus while he tests me day after day. Maybe it's because he wants to know if things are still the same when Dad's gone, maybe he doesn't like the change, maybe he's too hot! or maybe he's just lapsing for awhile, probably some sort of combination of all of those and more I don't even know.

Anyway, he said some sweet things to me today that I wanted to remember for posterity. I had just gotten off the phone with Will and gotten myself really depressed b/c I was thinking about how when you're on your own with the kids, the weekends are no different than the weekdays = no break. I was laying on our bed trying to pull it together (Ben was already down for the night and Charley was playing with trucks in the living room) when Charley came in, crawled on the bed and said, "I just wanted to come snuggle with you and give you company." I started to lose it again.

Then he wanted me to come outside and play before his bedtime, so we did (after a good hug and kiss). I, of course, had to tell him how much I loved him and how happy he made me and he said, "because I help my baby brother and a good boy?" and a list of a few other things I can't remember now. Then he set up some chairs and a little table as a foot rest and we sat there together talking (with our feet up together, so cute!) and asked, "Do you think Daddy would like doing this too?".

Then we made pretend snacks out of the maple tree seeds, then we made a train track out of them, then we blew them on the ground, it was so much fun! Then, he wanted to play catch with the nerf football, and to my amazement, he can catch now! So we had such a blast actually throwing the ball back and forth and I felt so lucky to be the mother of two little boys that will want to play sports with me (hopefully) :) He even put a spin on the ball a couple of times! :) Now just a year or two more and we can all go camping. Charley could probably go now, but I don't think Ben would do well, especially in a tent at night. ahh someday!

I'm also holding out for a girl and she will hopefully want to play sports and camp too, and with a mother and grandmother who love those things, I'll be surprised if she doesn't. In fact, my Mom taught me more about sports than my Dad and was a bigger sports fan in our house. It's funny because now I'm the bigger sports fan in our house, although I don't keep up with it right now for obvious reasons. Anyway, Will knows that I'd be happy having even four boys before we had a girl. I think we'd finally stop at boy 5, but hopefully, we'll have a girl before that. If not, I think we'd seriously consider adopting one. :) Who knows, maybe we're not even supposed to have that many kids b/c the two we've got require so much activity and energy. One kid at a time then, until God gives us peace that we're done.

Anyway, all that to say I had a lovely evening with my son at the end of a very hot day. :) Thank you Lord!

long day starting at 1 AM

So, putting Charley to bed in undies w/o anything to drink and going to the potty right before bed still didn't work. He woke up crying around 1:15 AM because he was all wet. The only sheets I had left were some girly pink striped ones and a floral pillowcase. :) I'm still washing his other ones from wetting the last two nights before last night. Still, after I changed all his clothes and his bed, he came back in to snuggle with me at 1:50. I let him stay until around 2:15, but then I couldn't fall back to sleep until around 2:45! Ugh!! Then wake up call every morning is just before 6 and I try to stay in bed and make them wait until 6:30. It's not really a relaxing time for me though. So I dragged myself out of bed and now it's 11:45 and I still feel like I'm half asleep. We played outside and went to BJ's this morning. They're down for an early nap so we can go to the air show in the early afternoon. So, I'd better grab a nap while I can! See ya!